Whe... Whe... Where Am I?

It was the oddest thing... I awoke this morning -- Friday morning -- in my own bed, in my own room. Yet, I was completely disoriented.  I spent at least half to three-quarters of a minute trying to figure out where I was, what day it was, what time it was, and if I needed to be anywhere.

Even after I got my bearings, I wasn't able to completely shuck the feeling of not knowing exactly where I am in space or time.  It's bothered me the whole day.  So I'm blogging about it, right before bed, in hopes of trying to nip that feeling in the bud.

I'm going to try a new meditation tonight.  It is, I'm told, a guided remembrance of who I am.  I'm hoping this will help my untethered feeling of late.

Wish me luck.

~C~

WHAM! (Or, When Someone Tells You That Meditation Will Change Your Life, You Should Believe Them!)

The e-mail I sent her began, "Why didn't you warn me?"  And then proceeded with, "Oh. Yeah.  You did."

And she did.

And I listened at the time. Truly, I did.  But I didn't quite believe her.  Well, that's not accurate.  I believed her.  I just didn't understand her.  Apparently, when she wrote in big capital letters in the Twitter message directing me to her instructional e-mail on this meditation "WATCH OUT", I thought she meant something else.  Like, "Have a nice day." Or, "Hugs and kisses to the kids and the family."

She meant, "WATCH OUT!" I know this now.

This meditation - which I won't detail here, other than to say that it involves white light visualization, a fair amount of chanting and a good deal of focused concentration - has turned everything pretty much on its ear.  Study, finances, relationships, home issues, employment issues -- much like June, they're all busting out all over.  Right now, it looks like a big, honkin' mess.  But somehow, I can't help but feel it's the same as when you first start using a new exfoliant.  For the first week or two, the skin breaks out, because the cell turn-over has to catch up to the impurities below the skin's surface.  The break-outs are the skin's way of pushing out the crap (old unneeded dead cells, toxic junk, dirt and germs), so the new, fresh, good skin underneath can come to the surface.

That's what this experience is. I'm exfoliating. I'm exfoliating my whole life. And right now, my whole life has a zit on its forehead the size of Wyoming. So the only thing to do now is to just step up the regime and be more diligent, so it all sorts itself out.  I'm going to be meditating twice a day now, until the life zit eventually works itself out and goes away.

And it will.  I know that. Because out of the thousands of zits that I've had in my lifetime, not one has lasted longer than a week or ten days, no matter how deeply embedded or ugly or painful.  This one is a biggie, so it might take a while.  But sooner, rather than later, it will be gone, and a fresh new layer of cells will be glowing underneath the surface.

Namaste.

~C~

Photo is a cropped, modified version of "Sun Beam" by cgjessica, available on deviantart.com, in its original format here.