Thursday, May 11, 2006

America Voted And...

... proved once again that the same people who voted to make George W. Bush their president -- not once, but twice, mind you -- can't even be trusted with a simple phone-in vote for American Idol.

Idiots. I'm surrounded by idiots!

The producers have voted, and Taylor Hicks is your next American Idol (though you deserve no better than that damp washcloth, Elliot Yamin, you mealy-mouthed, lilly-livered Americans!) Just when I thought I was being too harsh on my own countrymen for wanting to go and live in England after the 2004 elections, this happens and reinforces my desire to expatriate. I'm ashamed to be seen with you, you descendants of English and German religious exiles, you! You shallow cretins who have let yourselves become so steeped in mediocrity that you don't know talent when you see it! You sorry examples of cultural bereftment!*

Go home, Chris. Get some sleep. Play with your kids. Make love to your wife. Then go cut a CD. I'll be the first one in line.


*Okay, I'll grant you -- that one may be a little like the pot calling the kettle black, since I'm admitting that I actually watch American Idol. Or, more accurately, "watched," since the show has officially been permanently banned from my house for all eternity. You think I'm kidding. You don't know me. Never. Ever. Again. Ever.


  1. I laughed when I saw the expression on his face. I'd apologize for that, I guess, it's just a horrible cast this season.

    I mean I really laughed out loud and hard.

    He will do fine. I don't dig his vocal stylings, lol, but I guess so many people do.

    no hard feelings?

  2. That all depends.... who'd you vote for in '04? (And I ain't talkin' no American Idol.)


  3. I can't even talk about it I'm so upset.

    Why didn't I vote???? I'm sorry Chris!!!!!

  4. I've realized, given that sham they put on with Rebecca Romjin and Taylor Hicks, that it wouldn't have mattered if you voted. The producers have taken over the show. They want Taylor to win -- probably because his style of vocals will be more conducive to the "pop" sound they're looking to sell at Tower Records. Since they could never get away with having a head-to-head competition between Taylor and Chris (Taylor is good, but, oh, you kid!), so they had to eliminate Chris and leave the final 3 with Taylor as the strongest.

    I think at this point, America may be voting, but (much as with Dade County in 2000), their votes may not be counting for much. Chris will still make his album. And since the lovely and talented Clay Aiken has already sued and won to break his contract with the IDOL music producers, there's legal precedent for Chris to do the same, leaving him free to cut his own kind of CD.


  5. follow-up...

    I put the war cost meter onto my blog today.

    I voted against dubya in 04, and for kerry, and stood in a rainy line for 2 hours to do so. I have never voted republican. MN is a blue state. I think.

    I'm thinking of a Simpsons episode where Satan is having supper with Montgomery Burns, and also seated are Nixon and other republicans.

    My early choice was the tall young woman who was the basketball player, but I don't know who dressed her the last time she performed. ish. Maybe you all blogged on it.

    Sorry m3, I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just unhappy with all these finalists.


  6. Voted Dem in '04? Then you can say anything you want about any AI contestant ever (even Chris). As long as you promise to continue voting Dem in '06 and '08, you can take a crack at my mom, my kid and my cat.

    No. Wait. Not the cat. She's an innocent bystander.


  7. Oh it's banned here too. Jackie doesn't believe me but I can't bear to watch any more...what's the point without Chris!?